Change Can Sometimes be a Good Thing
by PengiKel
Summary: NEW CHAPTER UP & I reuploaded the first chapter. Summary: Raoul tells Kel something, and she turns to the only logical choice. Just how logical is a surprise to her. K/N. Read and REVIEW!
1. Misery loves Company

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan looked up from her book and sighed. It was late, and she needed to be up in the morning to practice the glaive with the Yamani ladies. She was thinking of how much she had missed the early-morning ritual when she was in Scanra when someone knocked on her door. a voice said, Let me in It was Raoul's. Puzzled, she let him in.   
Kel gave him a questioning glance. She looked closely at him, noticing he seemed troubled. He usually didn't drop by so late. Kel wondered what was going on. she asked.  
I just got out of a meeting with Jon, Wyldon, Gareth, Flynn, Alanna and Sir Myles, Raoul said. He guided her to a chair and sat her down, then pulled up another one for himself. Kel was surprised by this action but she sat.   
I'm to be married to Buri in the spring. I'm not as young as I used to be and my wound from that giant this past summer still bothers me. I'm getting old. The meeting was to find a replacement for me in the King's Own.   
  
Yes sir. But what does this have to do with me? Kel asked, confused.  
  
You're the one. You are to be Commander of the King's Own.   
Kel blinked. Excuse me my lord, but I could have sworn you said I was to command the Own.  
  
I did.   
  
Kel looked at him like he was crazy.   
she said, I thought you didn't drink. Maybe it's time you went to bed. Raoul looked at her sternly.   
You can smell my breath if you wish, Kel, but I'm serious. They made up their minds before I got there. In the spring you will take up command.   
Kel sat there, stunned. You're mad she whispered. I've got to be the...   
Youngest commander in the history of the Own Raoul broke in.   
  
Yes. You can handle it. Go to bed. We'll talk more in the morning. Raoul got up, stretched, and left the room, closing the door behind him.  
Sleep was out of the question. She lay in her bed, tossing and turning for over an hour and then got up. She threw a robe over her nightdress and went for a walk. Jump, confused, padded behind her. Kel didn't know where she was going, she just knew she needed to walk. She wasn't surprised when her feet led her to Neal's door. SHe hesitated before she knocked on the door. Neal had seemed tired and rather--there was no other word for it--sad latley. Maybe she shouldn't... She knocked. Three times. she said to the door. Open up. She heard him coming to the door. He opened it.   
Kel! What in Mithros's name are you doing here? You woke me up! Are you crazy? It's two o'clock in the morning.   
  
I'm sorry Neal, but I need to talk to you.   
Neal looked at her, and opened the door wider to let her in.   
  
Kel...? What's going on?   
Kel sat down on the edge of his desk. Raoul just informed me that I'm to be commander of the King's Own she said, her head in her hands.   
Neal stared at her. He yelled. KEL! You've got to be the youngest...  
  
Commander in the history of the Own Kel said wryly, lifting her head. I know. Raoul told me.   
  
Who decided this?  
  
The king, Alanna, Duke Gareth, and Wyldon. Raoul said they had decided before he even got there. I can't do this, Neal, I can't! They'll hate me, they'll kill me, goddess, I'm only twenty, the older men will despise me... She started to sob. The war, the deaths of so many friends, Cleon marrying, Dom's death in a surprise attack on New Hope by hurroks, Tobe leaving her to study with Daine, and now the added stress of commanding the Own. Neal stared at her, shocked. He'd never seen her cry before. _Gods, I thought she didn't know how to cry _ he thoughtas he sat down and put his arm around her.   
It's all right Kel. It'll be fine. Don't worry. He sat there rocking her as she slowly fell asleep.   
  
When Kel awoke, it was not yet light outside. She didn't know where she was. Then she realized. She cursed Neal and struggled out of his bed. She threw open the door to his study. He looked up at her, smiling.   
she growled. Why didn't you wake me up last night? What will people think?   
My, my, the lady awakes, Neal chuckled, his eyes twinkling. I didn't wake you because I didn't think it was necessary. And since when do you care what people think? Sit down. You make my neck hurt.  
Kel yelled, exasperated. Then she sat down, laughing. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I worried what Yuki would think if she found out. You know those proper Yamanis.   
Neal looked stricken. Oh..nononono..... he breathed. Yuki. If she hears anything she'll kill me, even if I tell her that nothing...inappropriate went on.   
Neal, it will be fine, said Kel. No one needs to know. And I thank you for your comfort. She winced, hearing the formality in her voice.   
She got up to leave. She pulled the door open and Yuki almost rapped on her nose. Neal, who was standing behind her, saw Yuki and cursed under his breath.   
Kel? Neal? Yuki whispered, her eyes widening as she saw they were both in their nightclothes.   
Yuki, let me explain. Neal said calmly.   
Neal, I don't need an explanation. I can clearly see what is going on. I only wish I had found out sooner. If I had, I would never have accepted your marriage proposal. She broke off and ripped the ring off her finger. Keladry, I thought we were friends. How could you do this to me? She threw the ring at Neal's feet as her face crumpled and she turned away and ran down the hallway towards the Yamani chambers.   
Kel slowly turned around to face Neal. His eyes were haunted. Neal, I'm so, so sorry, Kel said in a low tone. She knew that he'd probably never want to see her again and she didn't know how she could live with that. _I love him. He's the only man I have ever loved. If I love him, I will leave him and not hurt him anymore. It's my fault he's in so much pain. _Knighthood had prepared her for pain, but not so much as this. She turned to go.   
Neal, I'm sorry. I'll go. Goodbye.  
Kel. Wait. Don't go. It's not your fault.  
How can you say that! Of course it's my fault. If I hadn't come to your rooms... _Why did he detain her? Didn't he hate her?_   
Kel. Don't be angry. Kel shivered as he touched her arm. The logical, stupid Kel made her draw away.   
Why should I be angry? she asked, confused. You're the one who should be angry! Yuki just broke your engagement! she broke off, realizing that she really wasn't helping the situation.   
Neal, I need to go. I told Lord Raoul that I'd meet with him today. I promise I'll come back. We can talk about it later.   
Yes. You're right. I will meet you in the gardens   
***  
  
  
Twilight made the gardens beautiful, but Kel could hardly see them. Her mind was racing, full of things she shouldn't let slip to Neal, and her heart was full of dread for what might happen. She heard Neal coming behind her and turned around. _Gods_, she thought. _He's beautiful_. She cursed herself for being a helpless romantic and waited for him to get close before she spoke.   
  
  
There was a long, rather uncomfortable silence.  
said Kel, unsure of what to say.  
Kel, don't blame yourself. It's not that big of a deal.  
NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL? NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL? She stopped, realizing that she was screaming. She took a deep breath and continued.  
Neal, I don't know if you were paying attention at the moment, but Yuki--broke--off---your---engagement. She said the last words slowly and carefull, as if talking to someone slow.   
  
Neal whispered. He looked at Kel with penetrating green eyes filled with pain. He gripped her elbows so hard it hurt. Kel just stood there gazing up at him. Kel. I know you don't want to hear this. But I have to say it. I love you. You're the only girl I have ever loved. When you were with Cleon I gave up hope. Yuki helped fill that void. But I realize now that it'll always be you, Kel.   
Kel just stood there and stared at him. _Move_ she told herself. _Say something_. She didn't. Neal turned away.   
You say noting. I know you can't return my feelings. Gods Kel! Just forget I said anything. His voice cracked with emotion as he turned around to face her.   
Kel was finally freed from her spot on the ground. She flung herself at him, sobbing. Neal! I love you I love you I love you! She whispered in his ear. He held her at arms length and looked at her tearstained face. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Slowly he drew her to him and kissed her full on the mouth.  
_At last_ they thought. _At last._


	2. Let's Keep It Between Ourselves Shall We

Kel broke the kiss, finally.   
  
What is is, dearest? A shiver ran down Kel's spine as Neal's breath tickled her ear.   
  
We need to talk. she said firmly.   
  
About what? I love you, you love me...oh. Realization struck.   
  
Yes. Yuki. Everybody. Earlier you were engaged to her. Now you're snogging the living daylights out of me. What will people think?  
  
Kel, I'll say it again. Since when do you care what people think?  
  
Neal. Really. If I'm to be Commander of the King's Own it'd really help if people weren't calling me a slattern or accusing me of drugging your water. Please? Can we keep this to ourselves?   
  
Neal rubbed his eyes wearily.   
Of course, Kel. I wasn't thinking. I've-I've waited since I was a page to kiss you-  
  
  
  
Oh, never mind. Saying this Neal pulled her to him and kissed her long and hard.   
  
  
  
The two sprang apart.   
  
Raoul, er, um, we, Neal and I were just, we were just... Kel stuttered. So much for keeping it between themselves.   
  
Kissing. Yes, I noticed. Kel, if I might have a word? He bowed slightly to Neal who bowed back and left for his rooms at a jog, the back of his neck visibly red from embarrassment.   
  
My lord? What do you need? she asked courteously.   
  
First off, an explanation. I'm flummoxed. What...? he trailed off and sat down on the nearest bench. Kel sat next to him.   
Come on, you can trust your old knight master. Isn't Neal engaged?  
Well, sir. Kel proceeded to tell him the events of the day, inwardly smiling at the expression on Raoul's face.  
Oh. Well, congratulations. I think. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, he reassured her. Now the real reason I came was to tell you that you're taking command sooner than I'd hoped. Next month, to be precise. Kel, I'm sorry, but I've orders from Jon. I fought this as hard as I could.  
  
Next month. He expects me to be prepared to command the whole gods-cursed Own by NEXT MONTH? Kel was furious. A month was no time at all, seeing as she had to familiarize herself with all of the companies, all the hand signals, more maps that she wanted to think about, get to know people in charge of supplies, learn how to work the magic-related tools...  
  
Yes. Which is why we need to get to work right now.  
  
She sighed.   
  
Kel, you know you can back out of this any time you want. Raoul's voice was soothing but he had a mischievous glint in his eyes. He dodged her punch and slung his arm around her shoulders as they walked back to his quarters, already deep in conversation about logistics and supply.  



	3. Another Knight at the Palace

  
A/N Thanks for the reviews, all. They make me happy and inspired, so keep em coming! OK, so the point I need to clear up is that this is not, apparently, a SLASH fic.. I always thought slash implied romantic pairing of any sort, but I changed the summary anyway. I hope it makes you happy. I COULD do Slash in the male/male or female/female sense, if y'all want me to...but anyway, just thought I'd clear that up.   
  
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I do not own any of these characters.   
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The next morning Kel awoke with a headache and a sore neck. Grumbling she dressed and picked up her glaive when there was a knock on her door. She shuffled over to open it.   
  
Alanna! Where in the Dark God's realm have you been? Kel demanded, but she was glad to see her mentor and friend.   
  
Oh, I thought I'd stay away until you were calm enough to kill me upon seeing me. Noting Kel's blank look she added, Because of the King's Own? I was the one with the idea.  
  
No need to talk as if I was soft in the head, Lady. It's early.   
  
Neal always said you were a morning person.  
  
I'll bet he did, Kel muttered darkly, and then giggled. Remembering her manners she invited the older knight in. Alanna sat on the nearest chair and looked up at Kel.  
  
So how are they? The preparations? Raoul said he was going to start on them last night and seeing as you two disappeared right after dinner, I guessed that you were being educated. Alanna was smiling but she was worried about Kel. The girl was young and tough. But she'd been through so much recently.   
  
Words fail me about how educated I'm getting Kel drawled, mocking Neal. Alanna chuckled.  
  
That was pretty good. Speaking of which, I haven't seen that holy terror recently. How is he?   
  
Kel blushed. Er, he's fine.  
Oh really said the older woman, raising one eyebrow. If the gossip is true, he's no longer engaged to Yuki. Apparently they fought?  
Kel cursed herself as she blushed again.   
Yes. They fought.  
  
All right, all right. How much has Raoul told you? Kel growled.  
Alanna feigned confusion. Raoul? Told me what?  
Don't play innocent. Well, she continued, seeing Alanna wasn't going to back out of her little game until she had milked it for all it was worth,  
I'll tell you then. Neal confessed his undying love for me after which we kissed passionately and carried on in the gardens until Raoul walked in on us. A pity, that was. I almost had his tunic off.  
Kel quickly suppressed her laughter as Alanna went red. Cowed, she muttered   
Kel burst out laughing.   
The first part was true, but I added the last bit as punishment, you old gossip. She sighed. It _would_ have been nice.   
Alanna threw something at her.   
***  
Kel was in the practice courts when she saw Lord Raoul. She rode over to him and dismounted.   
Kel, we need to go over some things before supper. I have an appointment afterwards. His face coloured. Suddenly, light dawned.  
Buri's coming home tonight. You mean to tumble her instead of giving me lessons. I see how it is. Kel pretended to be hurt.   
You're as bad as the soldiers. Dirty-minded scoundrel!  
It's my pleasure.  
Giggling, she took Peachblossom to the stable, groomed, fed and watered him before running up to Raoul's rooms. Raoul stood before a table piled high with charts, maps, scrolls and lists. Kel groaned.  
Now, Kel. Here's your homework He gestured to the pile. Be a good girl and do it all and maybe you'll get a special treat!  
My lord. You are a very bad man.  
Raoul grinned cheekily.   
I know. Now, this is a list of the mages in the Own...  
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A/N Sorry it's short. Review, please! Special Neal-on-a-stick to those who do....Or Owen. Or Dom. Raoul is a personal favourite of mine.   
*winks and scurries away giggling manically* 


	4. Getting up to Date

Ok let me get a few things cleared up. I'm sorry if you don't like my fic, think it's fake, or what have you. If you don't like it, tough cookies. If you flame, I'll sic Jump on you. I reposted the 1st chapter cos I left a bit out before the garden scene. Please reread the 1st chapter and tell me what you think.   
  
Mel and Lady of the Lilacs: I'm sorry I killed Dom. But since Lady Knight, which made it obvious that Kel and Dom would be together, there was no other way. I am a HUGE Dom fan. Really. i am actually in the process of writing a Kel-Becomes-Knight-Commander fic with DOM in it....it might be R though.   
  
Mystery Warrior Maiden: *sniff* It's good to be loved. Thanks.  
  
Unsigned Anonymous: Sorry. It's K/N.  
  
Lady of the Lilacs: I do what the nice reviewers tell me to do. Moink.   
  
Gilby the Fish: Yay! Thank you!   
  
Clarylissa: Glad you like, sorry you're brain dead. I laugh at Neal often.   
  
Keita: I'm wrong. Summary changed. I'm a dumbhead.   
  
Lady of Lilacs again: You can have Dom. *hands over Dom-on-a-Stick*  
  
Clarylissa: Dirty minded TP is good, right?  
  
6-a Opal: I'm sorry you feel that way. I added Flynn. Alanna & Wyldon were already there. I added a little K/N foreshadowing (look right before she knocks on his door).   
  
CSporty128: OK. *hands over Neal-on-a-Stick* It was gonna stay K/N, but I could have added some Wyldon/Jon or something.  
  
Peachblossomluver: Eesh, I'll have to think about that cos my heart belongs to Neal. And Jon. Young Alanna-book Jon. Gods, they were meant to be together (Alanna and Jon.) *swoons over those blue eyes*  
  
  
  



	5. Farewells

_She was in a forest. The moss-covered ground was dappled with sunlight that escaped the clutches of the huge trees surrounding her. The forest was quiet around her, but once she heard the faint sound of a bird. Her feet were carrying her ever forward, when she walked into a clearing. It was a perfect circle of sunlight in the middle of the woods. She looked around and she saw him. Her footsteps were silent as she ran and she hugged him around the middle from behind. She was swept into strong arms and kissed ferociously; she moaned his name.   
_  
Arms shook her awake. Kel gazed sleepily into smiling green eyes.   
You called, m'Lady?  
Confused, she sat up.   
You said my name.  
Remembering the dream, she blushed.   
Yes, I was having a rather nice dream. Why'd you wake me? And furthermore, what the Goddess are you doing in my room?  
And I always thought you were a morning person, Neal teased. HIs face grew serious.  
Kel, I have to go. I'm called away. There's trouble in the south and they need me for healing. I wanted to see you before I left.  
Kel's heart did a huge flip-flop as he gazed into her eyes with more love than she'd ever hoped to imagine. She threw off her blankets and stood up, hugging him round the middle. He kissed her cheek and she pulled back. Eyes moist, she cupped his face in her hands and drew it towards her. She kissed him softly on the lips, thanking the gods that brought them together. He deepened the kiss and her mouth opened to his. Kel gasped as their tongues thrust and parried, as if dueling.   
_This is turning out to be a good morning,_ she thought.   
Neal murmured, his voice full of desire. His hands moved from her shoulders down her arms...  
No. Neal, I'm sorry, but you have to go soon. I don't want to get, er, carried away.   
I know. Dearest. Kiss me once more and then I'll go. She kissed him.   
I love you, he murmured in her ear.  
And I love you. Now go. If you're late they'll kill you.  
They won't kill me. I'm to valuable to be killed.   
Kel punched his shoulder.   
Go, before I get my glaive out and do it for them, she teased.   
He left the room with one longing glance backwards. Kel didn't notice it, as she was at her glaive rack. _That was fun. Every morning should start like that.   
***  
  
_Later that afternoon Kel sat in Raoul's chambers alternately listening to Buri talk and filling out a supply list. Buri was saying something about trouble in some part of the kingdom when a phrase caught her ear.   
The King sent a few lone knights down there to deal with pirates AND bandits, not to mention smugglers. I don't know what he was thinking!  
Sent who where to do what? Kel asked very carefully.  
A few lone knights south to deal with pirates, bandits and smugglers. Buri said, putting a quill down. She had been writing a letter.  
The blood rushed out of Kel's head. She clenched her hands to her sides as a wave of anger poured over her.   
Kel? You're shaking!  
Neal. That fool of a king sent Neal and two other knights to deal with pirates, bandits and smugglers? Her voice rose after each word until she was practically screaming. What in the gods' green earth was he thinking? Three knights, all alone on the southern coast. You know what the odds are, don't you?  
Buri looked closely at her. There's more to this than meets the eye, isn't there? she asked.  
You have no idea, Kel whispered, stood up and started to pace around the room. You have no idea.  
  
A/N: Well, here's chapter 4. Hope you enjoyed it. I might have to up the rating, to put in some getting scared together with Neal and Kel. Reviews are welcome, as always. Thanks.  
Random quote of the day: See Spot. See Spot run. Run Spot, Run.  



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